3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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