You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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