My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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