I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
