where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
