id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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