And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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