i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
