He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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