I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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