I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
and you fell through a lawn chair
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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