you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
