Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
