i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh god it's open bar.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
