I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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