Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
