my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
