The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
