drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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