Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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