im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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