But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
