I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
