the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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