there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
