Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
