She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
