I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is my gift to your gina
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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