She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
