bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
