wrigley field is MILF paradise
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
