is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
