So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
