I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
