I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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