do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
