omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
