He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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