You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
