She said her name was "party"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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