he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
