God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
