Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
