i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
