In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
