yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
