I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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