Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
