will power is for people who don't want to get laid
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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