literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
